Why Be So Judgy?

Just when I think it’s finally over, WHAM-BAM THANK YOU, MAM, another bloody medical issue comes up out of no-where and bites me in the arse 😖

I’d only just told you’s on Friday (Ahh FFS) about my shoulder, but then yesterday, when this post was supposed to be finished and published, I ended up in hospital with unexplained bleeding.

Now, anyone with Ehlers knows that if you start bleeding from places you shouldn’t be, it becomes extremely serious (and can’t be ignored) just in case of possible vEDS – even though it’s extremely, EXTREMELY rare!

Anyways, after a lot of probbing, probing, and testing, I was finally allowed to go home about 6 hours later, but with a list of very strict instructions on what to do if this and/or that happened.

If it rains, it frign pours, but for me at the moment – it storms as well! ⛈

Oh, and before I finally get to do my last edit tweak on Why Be So Judgy, I just want to give a massive shout out to the doctor & nurse who looked after me – Nick & Keith.

Your patience, understanding, and kindness with me & my complex medical issues were second to none, and I will be forever grateful to both of you. Not only did you include my husband in every step of the way, your continuous reassurances to help our fears and anxieties were not only helpful but also truly appreciated! From the bottom of my heart – thank you ðŸĪ—âĢ

Righteo, let’s get this done, dusted AND published, shall we! 😉


Well, as you already know from Hump Day Memes, I’ve been MIA for the past couple of weeks because of some pretty shitty side effects with a new medication trial ðŸĪĒ

(my fellow EDS‘ers with super sensitive stomachs will be able to relate)

Not only did it take about a week and a half for the sickness to finally back off once the medication was stopped, it was also the last medication I could try to help with the pain that wasn’t a Schedule 8 drug – which I’ll talk about another time.

Anyways, after having a recent conversation with someone who is morbidly obese, I want to chat about the whole ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ thing.

Yes, we are!

Now, it’s very easy to jump straight to the overweight people get judged all the time scenario, which is unfortunately true, but what about thin people? Has anyone ever stopped to think that being really skinny also brings judgment?

Thinking, thinking, thinking ðŸĪ”

You’re probably wondering WTF I’m on about right about now because there’s no way that skinny people would ever get judged – but let me tell ya, it’s NOT a one-way street when it comes to bodyweights & judgments.

Judgment example (weight) >

In my family tree, there are overweight relatives who get judged by society, but there’s also 2 very skinny family members, who also get judged – and I’m one of them.

For whatever reason [?] we have super-duper fast metabolisms (no we don’t have worms & our thyroids are working fine) and both of us have copped a lot of shit through the years with people instantly assuming/judging why we’re so thin.

Luckily for me, I’m on a permanent medication that has a side effect of weight gain, so I take a little extra (yes my GP knows about it) as it helps to keep my metabolism at a more ‘normal’ rate.

Unfortunately for the other family member though, who’s exhausted every avenue to try and gain some weight, has recently been told by her doctor that she just has to accept it – which is not an easy thing to do when you’re constantly being judged for it.

FYI: On average, this family member has approx 2-3 emotional breakdowns a year ðŸ˜Ē because of having to constantly explain why she’s so thin to the judgy asshole people and their ridiculous comments.

And yeah, I already know they’ll be people out there calling us every name under the sun because we should be grateful that we can eat anything without putting on weight, BUT having a quick metabolism is NOT all it’s cracked up to be, and I’ll tell you why.

An overweight person will usually only ever get judged as being lazy, but for a thin person – you’re either a drug addict, have an eating disorder, or you must be sick or dying from something, ie: cancer.

Then on top of that, you also have to deal with the bitchy judgments of other women who immediately become jealous of your weight/metabolism, and holy shit – talk about frign nasty!

Now, this isn’t a competition of who’s worse off when it comes to overweight vs skinny, but after having that chat with the obese person, who was very lovely I may add, I just wanted to point out that even if you’re thin – you still get judged.

The next kind of judgment I want to talk about is appearance.

As human beings, and the way that our brains are wired, it’s very easy for us to make an instant/split-second judgment on someone’s appearance, but it’s where we draw the line with that judgment that makes all the difference.

A quick example would be me seeing a guy at the shops with a shaved head/covered from head to toe in tattoos, and instantly assuming that he must be part of a biker gang – BUT – my moral compass then immediately kicks in and takes that unnecessary judgment and throws in the brain-bin.

Too easy, lemon squeezy! 🍋

Why can I do this so quickly? Because 1) who the hell am I to judge when I don’t even know him, and 2) even if he was a biker [?] so bloody what as it’s his life, and each to their own.

So yeah, we all do it, even when we don’t want to, but it’s what we do with that judgy information that makes us either an OK human or a narrow-minded asshole.

Image thanks to all-greatquotes

Judgmental example (appearance) >

A few years ago my husband and I decided to buy a new (theatre) lounge suite as we prefer to watch movies from the comfort of our own home.

We headed to a reputable furniture shop as we didn’t want to buy cheap shit that would fall apart in the first year, and after having a good look around, we found one that we really liked.

The whole time we were looking though, none of the salespeople came over to see if we needed any help (even though there was only 1 other customer in the store) but we already knew it was because of our appearances, which we’d already prepared for.

Before I go on, I’ll paint you a bit of a picture of what we looked like that day >

  • We both have tattoos, but most of them were covered.
  • My husband (literally) looked like he’d been living in the bush for the past 10 years and had just returned back to society. (and I stress the word literally!)
  • A few months prior I’d been in hospital with double pneumonia and had lost an extreme amount of weight.
  • My husband left his thongs in the car and walked in barefooted.
  • I was wearing *slippers.

*95% of the time I wear comfy slip-on slippers because of the arthritis/EDS/discomfort from wearing shoes.

Stay with me – this will all make sense soon 😉

Anyways, after about 6-7 minutes of waiting for someone to help us, my husband decided he was going to kick back and recline on one of the chairs to see if that would maybe get their attention?

Surely 1 of the 4 salespeople, who were busy doing SFA, well apart from trying not to make eye contact with us, would have come over – even if it was just to tell my hubby to stop reclining on the furniture 😂

After another few minutes of waiting, my ‘getting ignored’ patience was starting to wear thin, so I started clapping and waving my arms in the air (like a crazy woman) to try and get their attention.

Now, I know some of you will be thinking that we should have just left the store and taken our money somewhere else, BUT – there was a madness to our method ðŸĪŠ

You see, we’d already been judged as soon as we had entered the store, and even though a sales guy finally, and begrudgingly, came over to see what we wanted, his judgment on us had already been made.

The way he spoke to us and his ‘we’re beneath him’ attitude told us that he’d well and truly pigeonholed us as nothing but a pair of scumbag dole-bludgers that had no money.

Oh, and I say that with NO disrespect to the genuine people who, for whatever reason, have to be on Centrelink/dole/welfare payments.

Anyhoo, moving right along …

The particular theatre lounge we’d chosen came in separate pieces, with separate prices, and even though it was a more expensive way of doing it – it worked well for us as we could customise it to exactly what we needed.

We picked out the sections we wanted to buy, which included a centre console with cupholders/remote control storage space (that I had to have lol) and this is where the fun started 😜

Now, remember, this guy has already judged us and thinks we have no money …

We asked him what would be the best deal he could give us if we wanted to buy a double recliner + centre console + 2 extra recliners, and without even thinking about it, he threw us a number of $1100 – even though the total cost for those pieces was $2900 ðŸ˜ē

My husband and I then deliberately played with him for a few minutes with the ‘should we/shouldn’t we’ debate, and when he least expected it, we told him SOLD!

As you can imagine he was a tad shocked at this point, but instead of admitting to himself that he may have fucked up with his judgment of us, he then just assumed that we’d be applying for credit.

*facepalm* 🙄

As soon as my husband said “Nah mate, cash” the ‘I’ve just really screwed up’ look that was plastered all over his face was FRIGN HILARIOUS!

LIFE LESSON > NEVER.JUDGE.A.BOOK.BY.ITS.COVER!

No doubt he would have had some very quick explaining to do to his boss that day, but what I really hope for ? that he learned a valuable lesson and stopped judging people based on their appearances – ESPECIALLY when working in customer service!

Now, as I’d mentioned earlier, we were already prepared for that to happen, so if you were wondering what I meant by that [?] it’s because it’s something that my husband and I have to deal with pretty much ALL.OF.THE.TIME!

BUT!!!

With both of us being very thick-skinned and not easily offended, ESPECIALLY BY A STRANGER, we’ve learned to use the judgments to our advantage over the years – hence why we got a $2900 theatre lounge for $1100 (winning 🏆🎉ðŸĪĐ) even though we were more than happy to pay the full price, if not more.

With being realistic, we all know that unnecessary judgments are ALWAYS going to be made on people’s appearance, body weight, race, religion, sexualityeverything & anything – but at the end of the day it’s how we deal with them, regardless if we’re the judger or judgee, that matters the most.

So,,,

If you happen to be someone who can be a little (unnecessarily) judgy from time to time? Ask yourself these questions the next time you go to judge someone >

  • Is it any of my business?
  • Is it affecting my life in any way?
  • Is my judgment making me be a better person?
  • Does this judgment of someone else make me feel better?*
  • How would I feel if that person made the same judgment towards me for no reason?
  • What is this judgment even achieving?
  • Is my judgment in the best interest of him/her/me?

*if judging/criticising someone for no reason makes you feel better within yourself [?] then you may have some underlying issues that you should probably get sorted out.

If you happen to be someone who does get (unnecessarily) judged from time to time/all the time, ask yourself these questions next time it happens >

  • Is there a way I can take advantage of this narrow-minded judgment? If yes, take advantage!
  • Will I ever see this judgmental person again? If no, meh who cares what they think or say.
  • Is there a positive way that I can benefit from this judgment? If yes, go for it!
  • Does their judgment interfere with my life or even really matter? If no, then it’s water off a ducks back and fuck ’em! (but not literally 😂)

Oh and before I start wrapping this up, I just want to quickly say that when I’m talking about these judgments, I’m talking about the uncalled-for ones.

To have a judgment (opinion) on someone that we know, whether it be a friend, ex-friend, family member, work colleague, ex-partner, acquaintance, etc is a whole different ball game, so just wanted to make that clear.

Like I’ve said, we’re all just human, but sometimes becoming a little bit more aware of how it can look/feel from the other side of things can be enough of a push, that we ALL need from time-to-time, to help us become better human beings.

To my wonderful M.I.T.M friends who have reached out with get well wishes AND waited so patiently for me to finally get this done – thank you and hugs to you all! ðŸĪ—âĢ

I hope everyone has had/or is having a great weekend!

Hugs / Peace Out! Essie âĢ