Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility
This is the very first description that pops up when you Google search the meaning of anger, but you know what? I call bullshit and totally disagree with it.
With the emotions I’m feeling at the moment, this ‘mild’ version of anger just doesn’t pack a hard-enough punch for me, so I’ve come up with my very own ‘Emotional Essie’s’ anger description that is better suited to the current ‘situation’.
Anger: furious, pissed off, duped, raging & arrgghh FUCK!
Is this healthy for my mind, body and soul? Nope! But it is what it is, and I’ve been assured that the emotional roller-coaster I’m on at the moment is completely ‘normal’. Yaay!
Now I know I should be over the moon with finally getting answers after 14+ years of hell, but the anger appeared from no-where and thought it would be a great idea to trip me over whilst I was rocking on & doing a happy dance.
90% of this anger (I’ll get to the other 10% later) is directed at all of the so called medical “experts” that gave up on me before they even got started, with one massive asshole in particular! He charged like a wounded bull, BUT, with a “supposedly” ‘ducks nuts’ reputation, I didn’t care how much it was going to be if I was finally going to get some answers.
What a great idea – NOT!!!
This guy, out of the many, MANY specialists I saw over the years, was hands down the worst one of them all with his arrogance & dismissive behavior. In an approx 7.5 minute consult, that should of been at least 45 minutes, managed to push me down into a pit of despair and also anger my ‘normally’ placid, laid back, go with flow & non-confrontational husband.
The real slap across the chops and kick in the guts though ??? Having to pay the $780 – yes you read that right > 7 8 0 – for his so-called “professional services.”
After seeing that *insert swear word* guy – I had to take time out of everything ‘medical’ as my mind, body and soul was too bruised and battered. I told my GP that I was done and dusted and was stepping off the merry-go-round for a while to save what little sanity I had left.
It had now got to the point where I was sick & tired of the MRI’s, sick & tired of hitting brick walls, sick & tried of seeing arrogant specialists that had no answers, sick & tired of being tossed into the ‘too hard basket’, sick & tired of wasting money, sick & tired of repeating myself like a broken record, AND – sick & tired of always being effin sick & tired!
With being KO’d in that round, it was now time to fully recharge my depleted batteries and build up the mental strength ready for the next one.
I knew deep down that the only way to get any answers was for me to come out swinging and fight a fight like I had never fought before.
Let the training begin …
Hugs / Peace Out! Essie ❣