I’ve ummed and ahhed about doing this subject as I’ll be using some of my family problems as an example, but then I thought ahh, buggar it – why the hell not.
A family with flaws, regardless of how trivial they may be, is perfectly ‘normal’ in this day and age, so for anyone that tries to tell me otherwise – you’re deluded.
Speaking the truth of having problems in a family not only makes you real but also makes you relatable to the 100’s and thousands of other people out there who are going through similar things.
There’s no need to feel embarrassed about it, or pretend your family life is perfect from fear of getting judged, because you can pretty much guarantee that, nine times out of ten – the people who are busy judging are usually the ones that have most of the problems!
Now even though I have many, MANY mind-blowing examples I could use from my own crazy, dysfunctional and wackadoodle family, I’m going to talk about an “incident” that happened just over a year ago.
A family member, who I will not name/describe, decided she wanted to buy some new clothes on Afterpay because she was going away on holiday.
Now, this family member decided to ask another family member to use their credit card, with the promise of paying it back once she returned from her holiday.
The answer was no as this family member, who we’ll call Mrs. X, was an old-aged pensioner living from cheque to cheque and had already been let down in the past when it came to money/loans.
So this person, who we’ll call MM for Miss Millennial, decided there had to be another way as having new clothes for her holiday was the number one priority.
With already having a bad credit rating, and not able to do it herself, the self-centered and entitled MM figured she’d just use the details of Mrs. X on an ‘afterpay’ account instead.
And guess what? It worked!
So MM, who’d now been back from her holiday for at least a couple of months, decided she wasn’t going to pay off these ‘fraudulently’ bought clothes after all – so guess what happened next?
Yep! They contacted Mrs. X!
Now I don’t need to go into the details of how Mrs. X reacted when she found out what MM had done, but let’s just say – she was NOT.HAPPY.JAN! 🤬
Not only was she devastated by it, but she was also too ashamed to tell any of us because of embarrassment and the fear of it causing arguments in our family.
So Mrs. X, a loving and caring lady in her late 70’s, decided she’d just keep it to herself in the hope that MM would do the right thing.
Over the next few months, Mrs. X got bombarded with phone calls/demand letters, and even though she kept explaining that a family member had used her details, they just wanted their money.
Meanwhile, Miss Millennial is ghosting the desperate Mrs. X and wouldn’t answer any of her calls, texts, or emails.
And you thought you had a dysfunctional family 😉
Hitting the fast forward button now >
So this carried on for a year – I AM DEADLY SERIOUS AND KID YOU NOT – and MM still hadn’t fixed, or even attempted to fix, the terrible situation that she’d created.
None of us knew what was going on with Mrs. X, and even though we talk to her at least 3 times a week, nothing was ever mentioned.
Eventually, it went to a debt collection agency so Mrs. X, who’d had an impeccable credit rating up until this point, and still getting harassed by Afterpay, now had to contend with the debt collectors as well.
This is where I get involved with what you could call a cluster fuck of a situation.
So, without getting into the nitty-gritty details of how I found out/sorted the situation out, in a nutshell, MM was given 24 hours to have the debt paid in full, and Mrs. X cleared of any wrong-doings.
Now, even though the payment was made at the very last millisecond of the deadline (I’m not joking!) – the debt was paid in full, and Mrs. X finally had her name cleared.
After that, we had a stern, but loving, chat with Mrs.X about the pros and cons of keeping us in the dark. 😉
To this day there are still some family members who don’t know what happened, and the only reason I’ve agreed to keep it under wraps is for their health.
In the last 3-4 weeks, MM has started showing her face again, but sadly, this was the incident that finally destroyed relationships.
Life with a dysfunctional family can be downright exhausting, especially when you’re trying to keep it a secret from everybody because of shame, guilt, embarrassment or fear, but in all honesty – does it need to be that way?
I’m not saying go and shout it from the rooftops, but sometimes getting the right amount of courage to open up and share (responsibly) the dysfunctional family bullshit – can actually be beneficial.
If Mrs. X had just opened up to us without worrying about G.E.F.S (guilt, embarrassment, fear, shame) that incident would have been sorted out for her immediately.
I get that opening up and spilling the beans is not always the best way to do it, but it’s mind-boggling with the number of people out there – from ALL walks of life – who continue to hesitate because of the what-ifs/g.e.f.s.
The inner turmoil that comes along with worrying about it is not a good enough reason to sit alone in a shit situation and be eaten away by the stress, anxiety, and sadness.
If you’re consumed with something and struggling with it alone – STOP!
It doesn’t matter if it’s a dysfunctional family matter, a money matter, a partner matter or just a life is kicking me in the face again for no reason matter – talk to someone about it instead of worrying as really > you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
And anyway, if someone does judge you or thinks differently about you after you’ve opened up to them – look at it as a positive as you don’t need that negativity in your life anyway! 😉
Before I sign off I just have one more teeny-weeny thing I’d like to say, and that is >
Please don’t be a Mrs. X!
Hugs / Peace Out! Essie ❣