I’ve ummed and ahhed about doing this subject as I’ll be using one of my own family problems as an example, but then I thought ahh, buggar it – why the hell not.
A family with flaws, regardless of how trivial they may be, is perfectly ‘normal’ in this day and age, so for anyone that tries to tell me otherwise – you’re deluded.
Speaking the truth of having problems in a family not only makes you real but also makes you relatable to the 100’s and 1000’s of other people out there, going through similar things.
Now, even though I have MANY mind-blowing examples I could use from my own crazy, dysfunctional and wackadoodle family, I’m going to talk about an “incident” that happened just over a year ago.
A family member, who I will not name/describe, decided she wanted to buy some new clothes because she was going away on holiday.
Now, this family member decided to ask another family member to use their credit card as she had no money, with the promise of paying it back when she returned from her holiday.
The answer was no as this family member, who we’ll call Mrs. X, was an old-aged pensioner living from cheque to cheque + she’d already been let down in the past with money/loans.
So, this person, who we’ll call MM for Miss Millennial, decided there had to be another way because having new clothes for the holiday was #1 priority.
With already having a bad credit rating, and not being able to do it herself, the self-centered & entitled MM figured she’d just use the details of Mrs. X on an Afterpay account – and guess what? It worked!
So, MM, who’d now been back from her holiday for at least a couple of months, decided she wasn’t going to pay off these ‘fraudulently’ bought clothes after all – so guess what happened next?
Yep! They contacted Mrs. X!
Now I don’t need to go into the details of how Mrs. X reacted when she found out what MM had done, but let’s just say – she was NOT.HAPPY.JAN! 🤬
Not only was she devastated by it – she was also too ashamed to tell any of us because of embarrassment and the fear of it causing arguments in the family.
So, Mrs. X, a loving and caring lady in her late 70’s, decided she’d just keep it to herself for the time being in the hope that MM would eventually do the right thing by her.
Over the next few’ish months, Mrs. X got bombarded with phone calls/demand letters, and even though she kept explaining that a family member had used her details, they just wanted their money.
Meanwhile, Miss Millennial is ghosting the desperate Mrs. X, and wouldn’t answer any of her calls, texts, or emails.
And you thought you had a dysfunctional family 😉
Hitting the fast forward button now >
Anyways, this carried on for a year – I AM DEADLY SERIOUS AND KID YOU NOT – and MM still hadn’t fixed, or even attempted to fix, the terrible situation that she had created.
FYI: None of us knew what was going on with Mrs. X, and even though we talk to her at least 3 times a week, nothing was ever mentioned to us.
Eventually, it went to a debt collection agency, so Mrs. X, who’d had an impeccable credit rating up until this point, and who was still getting harassed by Afterpay, now had to contend with debt collectors as well.
(this is where I now get involved with what you could call a MASSIVE cluster fuck of a situation)
So, without getting into the nitty-gritty details of how I found out/sorted the situation out, in a nutshell, MM was given 24 hours to have the debt paid in full, and Mrs. X cleared of any wrong-doings.
Now, even though the payment was made at the very last millisecond of the deadline (I’m not joking!!!) – the debt was paid in full, and Mrs. X finally had her name cleared.
After that debacle, we had a very stern, but loving chat, with Mrs.X about all of the pros and cons of keeping us in the dark.
To this day there are still some family members who have no idea what happened, and the only reason I’ve agreed to keep it secret squirrel is because of their health.
In the last 3-4 weeks, MM has started showing her face again, but sadly, this was the incident/final straw that broke the camels back that has destroyed relationships 😞
So, yeah, life with a dysfunctional family can be downright exhausting at times, especially when you’re trying to keep it a secret from everyone, but in all honesty – does it need to be that way?
Now, I’m not saying go and shout it from the rooftops, but sometimes getting the courage to open up and share (responsibly) the dysfunctional family bullshit – can be beneficial.
If Mrs. X had just opened up to us without worrying about G.E.F.S (guilt, embarrassment, fear, shame) that incident would have been nipped in the bud immediately, and the months of worrying AND the tarnished credit rating would have been avoided.
Look, I know opening up and spilling the beans is not always the best way to do it, but it’s mind-boggling with the number of people out there – from ALL walks of life – who continue to hesitate because of the what-ifs/G.E.F.S.
The inner turmoil that comes along with sitting alone in a shit situation, and slowly getting eaten away by stress, anxiety, and sadness, is not only unhealthy but also unnecessary.
If you’re consumed with something and struggling with it alone – STOP!
It doesn’t matter if it’s a dysfunctional family matter, a money matter, a partner matter, or just life is kicking me in the face again for no reason matter – talk to someone about it as you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Oh, and if someone does judge you/think differently about you after you’ve opened up to them – look at it as a positive as you don’t need that negativity in your life anyway! 😉
Before I sign off I just have one more teeny-weeny thing I’d like to say, and that is >
Please don’t be a Mrs. X!
Hugs / Peace Out! Essie ❣