Off Topic #2
I’ve ummed and ahhed about doing this subject as I’ll be using some of my own personal family problems as an example, but then I thought to ahh, fuck it – why the hell not.
Before I jump in head first though, I just want to say that anyone who says they don’t have a black sheep or two in their family are telling porky pies, and for anyone who says that their family dynamic is 100% perfect – yeah yeah, whatever ya reckon *rolls eyes* 🙄
Those kind of people will swear black and blue to your face that their family life is oh so wonderful, but we all know the truth > complete and utter bullshit!
A family with flaws, regardless of how trivial they may be, is perfectly ‘normal’ in this day and age, so for anyone that tries to tell me otherwise – you.are.deluded!
Speaking the truth of having problems in a family not only makes you real, but also makes you relatable to the 100’s and thousands of other people out there that are going through similar things.
There’s no need to feel embarrassed about it, or pretend your family life is perfect in the fear of getting judged, because you can pretty much guarantee that, nine times out of ten, the people who are busy judging are usually the ones that have most of the problems!
Now even though I have many, MANY mind-blowing examples I could use from my own crazy, dysfunctional and whackadoodle family, I’ve decided I’m going to talk about an “incident” that happened to us just over a year ago.
A family member, who I shall not name or describe what kind of family member they are, decided to buy some new clothes on ‘afterpay’ because they were going away on a holiday.
Not a big deal as there’s plenty of people out there who will buy new outfits to take on holidays (me included) but the difference is, we have the money to pay for them, or if we’re using something like ‘afterpay’ or a credit card, we make the payments on the due dates.
Too easy, lemon squeezy right!?!
This family member, who easily had the funds to pay it off if they were more sensible with money, decided to ask another family member to borrow their credit card with the promise of paying it back when she got back from her holiday.
The answer was NO as the person, let’s just call her Mrs X, was an old-aged pensioner who lived from pension cheque to pension cheque, and this person had already let Mrs X down in the past when it came to loans and money.
So this person, who I will call MM for Miss Millennial, decided that there had to be another way as having new clothes for the holiday was the number one priority – even though she had a completely destroyed credit rating for not paying her bills in the past.
Anyways – with her shitty, self-centered and entitled mind, MM figured she would just use the details of Mrs X on an ‘afterpay’ account, as not only would it be a slam-dunk way of getting the new clothes, she really had nothing to lose by at least trying it.
And guess what? It worked!
Oh and FYI before I go on – I/we didn’t know anything about this until the shit had well and truly hit the fan, and had completely spiralled out of control!
So Miss Millennial, who’d now been home from her holiday for a couple of months, decided she wasn’t going to pay off these ‘fraudulently’ bought clothes (because she’s an arsehole) so yep you guessed it!
They contacted Mrs X!
Now I don’t need to go into the details of how Mrs X reacted when she found out what MM had done, but let’s just say – she was NOT.HAPPY.JAN! 🤬
Mrs X was not only devastated with what MM had done to her, she was also too ashamed to tell us because of embarrassment, and the fear of it causing arguments in our family.
So Mrs X, a loving and very caring lady in her late 70’s, kept it to herself in the hope that MM would do the right thing, but with her being the vulnerable one in the family – who is always easily manipulated/taken advantage of – that wasn’t going to happen in a hurry.
Over the next few’ish months Mrs X got bombarded with phone calls/demand letters, and even though she kept explaining to them that a family member had fraudulently used her details, they didn’t give a rats ass and just wanted their money.
Meanwhile Miss Millennial is ghosting the desperate Mrs X and wouldn’t answer any of her calls, texts or emails.
What an arsehole hey! And you thought you had a dysfunctional family 😉
Hitting the fast forward button now >
So this carried on for a year – I AM DEADLY SERIOUS AND KID YOU NOT – and MM still hadn’t fixed, or even attempted to fix, the terrible situation that she’d created.
Now remember – none of us had any clue whatsoever with what was going on and even though we all talk to Mrs X at least 3 times a week, nothing was ever mentioned to us so we could step in to help her.
Eventually it ended up going to a debt collection agency so Mrs X, who’d had an impeccable credit rating right up until that point, and who was still getting harassed by the people of ‘afterpay’, now had to contend with the debt collectors as well whilst MM continued to turn a blind eye to it all.
Hard to believe that a family member would do something like this hey!
Now this is where I get involved with what I would call a dire situation, and for anyone who knows me well – knows my motto of, you can always run, but you can never hide!
FYI my involvement with it came about purely by fluke as Mrs X still had no intentions of telling us – BUT – whilst we were casually chit-chatting on the landline phone, like we always did/do, her mobile phone started ringing.
As per usual she plonked me down to answer it (just in case it was important) but whilst I was waiting for her to finish the call, I could hear bits and pieces of a very ‘strange’ conversation.
It wasn’t until I heard her saying that she didn’t want to get the police involved, or have MM charged, that I knew some very serious shit was going down, that we didn’t know about.
Now it doesn’t take an Einstein to work out what happened next, but just in case – Mrs X told me everything that had been going on and what the phone call was about.
It also doesn’t take an Einstein to work out what my reaction would of been, but just in case – it was a surprisingly contained and very controlled anger that became highly intelligent, but also bordering on psychotic. And no, I’m far from being a highly intelligent person in general 😅
So without getting into the nitty-gritty details of how I sorted the situation out, in a nutshell, MM was given 24 hours to have the debt paid in full and Mrs X cleared of any wrong-doings.
Miss Millennial tried to be a smart arse with me in the beginning (of course she did) but quickly worked out that it was a really stupid idea and promptly snapped the fuck out of it.
Oh and just in case! There was nothing illegal in the way I dealt with it, nor were there threats of any physical harm. All conversations were done by texting for 3 very important reasons > 1) we lived in different states. 2) MM wouldn’t answer my phone calls. 3) Text conversations can be saved to a USB – just in case 😉
NB: Being smart with your words and having a calm, cool and collective composure are actually some of the best weapons you can ever have in a show-down situation 💪
So even though the payment was made at the very last millisecond of the deadline (I’m not frign kidding) – the debt was paid in full and Mrs X finally had her name cleared.
Obviously there were some quiet words spoken with Mrs X about the pros & cons of keeping us in the dark, but our lives just carried on after that with a very hard lesson learned!
Now to this day there’s still some family members who don’t actually know about this incident and the only reason I’ve agreed to keep it secret squirrel – for medical reasons/their health.
In saying that though – I’ve warned everybody that if I’m ever asked about it, or put on the spot, I won’t be lying or covering it up and the truth will be coming out.
In the last 3-4 weeks MM has started showing her face again, but even though our family has always had MANY flaws – sadly this was the “incident” that fractured relationships 😞
Is this another long-winded post created by the ‘Madness in the Method’ mind of mine – that probably doesn’t even make sense? Hell yeah, but I’ll only ever talk about real shit and will never sugar-coat the realities in life that we ALL have to deal with.
Yes life with a dysfunctional family can be downright fucking exhausting to deal with, especially when you’re trying to keep it a secret from everybody because of the possible shame, guilt, embarrassment or fear, but in all honesty – does it really need to be that way?
Now I’m not saying to go and shout it from the rooftops, but sometimes getting the right amount of courage to open up and share (responsibly) the dysfunctional family bullshit – can actually be beneficial.
If Mrs X had opened up to us without the worry of G.E.F.S (Guilt, Embarrassment, Fear, Shame) – that incident would of been nipped in the bud immediately and would of saved her the many, MANY months of relentless stress.
I’m not saying that opening up and spilling the beans is always the best way to do it, but it’s mind-boggling with the amount of people out there – from ALL walks of life – who still continue to hesitate talking about something just because of ‘what-ifs’ and/or G.E.F.S.
The inner turmoil that goes hand-in-hand with worrying about how someone may think differently of you (if they knew) is totally unnecessary and not a valid reason to sit alone in a shit situation and slowly be eaten away by the stress, anxiety and sadness.
If you’re consumed by something and struggling with it alone – STOP!
It doesn’t matter if it’s a dysfunctional family matter, a money matter, a partner matter or just a life is kicking me in the face again for no reason matter – talk to someone about it instead of worrying about the G.E.F.S as really > you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Oh and if you do come across a worst case scenario of, let’s just say, getting judged/looked at differently after opening up to a friend – just look at it as a positive that the so-called friend was never truly your friend and good bloody riddance to that kind of negativity 👏
Anyhoo that’s my waffling on finished (finally) for another day or three ? but I haven’t finished with this topic yet (of course I haven’t 🤣) so will be chit-chatting about it again sometime soon.
Before I sign off though I have one more teeny-weeny thing I’d like to say, and that is >
Please don’t be a Mrs X!
Hugs / Peace Out! Essie ❣